Happy marriages are created. Living with the one you love may be happiness itself but you and your partner need to nurture the relationship and work on maintaining the relationship to be happy and fulfilling. Indeed, relationships need effort and it should come from both of you. If you are looking for ways to work on this, here are some tips for a happy marriage that you may want to start with.

AT HOME NO BOSS:

At work, you’re accustomed to running things and to being in charge. But when you walk through the front door of your house (or emerge from your home office), you emigrate from an autocracy into a messy democracy, with all its attendant chaos, conflict, and need for compromise. Your spouse should understand that this transition is not always quick or easy and that she must be patient while you adjust. But there’s an upside. Though it’s true that at home you can’t command by fiat, you can relax in the knowledge that there, at least, someone is sharing the load.

STOP NAGGING:

Stop the urge to nag your spouse. Listen instead. Listening can make wonders in a relationship. Listening can help you understand any situation, maintain an open communication, and help you resolve conflicts with you spouse.

RESPECT:

People talk a great deal about love, but over the long term, respect is more fundamental. As long as you have respect for your partner, you can always be friends. Once respect is lost, even friendship is hard to maintain. To respect someone is also an act of will. Don’t allow your mind to dwell on your partner’s limitations, rather focus on their sincerity and the goodness within them. If their personality becomes difficult to respect, you can always respect the Divine Presence within them.

SURPRISE SURPRISE:

Think of a surprise once in a while. A surprise need not be something that needs a lot of preparation. If you are busy with work or with the housework, you can think of something that can put a smile on your partner’s face. Even a note posted on the refrigerator or a love letter inserted on his planner can be a great way to rekindle those sparks in the relationship. Being married is not an excuse to be not sweet and mushy. You can also have a makeover and surprise your spouse. Break the same old you and make yourself look good for your spouse.

COMMUNICATIONS A PRIORITY:

Your spouse knows you are busy and that you receive scores if not hundreds of messages a day. She wouldn’t contact you at work unless it was important. (When I call Gary at the office, he knows I’m not phoning to see how the yogurt is coming out today.) Your spouse is busy, too, and can likewise be tough to reach. You will both feel more relaxed if it’s easier to get in touch, and if you know that each other’s missives will move to the top of the queue.

SAY THANKS:

Don’t forget to say thank you. Being grateful to your spouse is one great way to let your spouse know that you appreciate him and you see the good in him, so do not just receive favors, be appreciative.

GET TO KNOW:

It’s difficult for spouses to make time for each other, much less take that desperately needed vacation. This challenge is here to stay: No matter what stage the business is in, it will require your all. But a vacation can be a cup of coffee together or a short walk around the block. Sometimes that’s all you’ll be able to manage. Any couple needs uninterrupted time — even if it’s incremental — to share those grace notes and headaches that make up lives. Being together reminds you that you enjoy being together. And that reminds both of you why this enormous undertaking is worthwhile.

GET IN TOUCH:

Go to dates once in a while. Having time for yourselves is one of the important tips for a happy marriage. Find time to have fun, watch a funny show and have a good laugh together. Spend a few minutes each day to cuddle or just talk about the events of the day. Marriages and relationships dwindle down because couples do not anymore spend time to cuddle and talk like at the start of the marriage. No matter how busy you are with your career or housework, a few minutes for your spouse can help you stay connected. Initiate lovemaking. Sex in marriage should not be only a man’s responsibility. Most often, spouses are turned on when their wives seduce them and initiate the sexual act. One of the great tips for a happy marriage is giving.

As long as you can do it cheerfully, support your partner in whatever he or she wants when it is only a matter of preference or opinion — the color of the couch, where you take your vacation, hairdo, clothing style. But if principles are at stake — including the principle of feeling valued as an individual in the relationship — you must stand your ground — respectfully, courteously, but firmly nonetheless. If you compromise your core values, you set in motion a dissonant wave that sooner or later will break your relationship into pieces.

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